Drudging Through Academia: Four Articles :: essays research papers fc

  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Reading the four assigned articles, to me, was equivalent to the â€Å"Reading† section of the ACT. Both seem to drag on for what seems like hours and require much re-reading to comprehend the complete message trying to be conveyed. My point is not that these articles are not worth reading. They contain valuable information about a very tough objective in academia today: writing. More directly, their focus seems to be the different methods available to help improve the writing of the up-and-coming writers of today. The only question I pose is whether all of the points presented in these articles pertain to the every day academy. The common point of the articles is clear: they house the authors’ theories for bettering the work of young writers.   Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  Ã‚  The authors of these articles use very persuasive points throughout their individual articles to install their belief in these â€Å"key† elements. Especially evident in the article, â€Å"Inventing the University†, by David Bartholomae, was an arrogant tone toward the â€Å"basic writers† of today’s society. He repeatedly refers to the fact that these â€Å"basic writers† are shut out or do not comprehend the â€Å"privileged language† of the elite group (139). This leads me to believe that the â€Å"basic writers† are unfairly judged simply based on their lack of experience. Being one of these so-called â€Å"basic writers,† I do not especially like my writing being degraded simply because I have a smaller interest in every minuscule detail of academic writing. In â€Å"Building a Mystery: Alternative Research Writing and the Academic Act of Seeking,† by Robert Davis and Mark Shadle, the authors do s omething similar. They bring up the point that most emphasis is put on the research paper while little is put on other projects such as a cultural research project. Such a project would cause the student â€Å"to explore topics of interest and fascination and use a variety of sources to inform projects that combine multiple genres and, in some cases, different media, disciplines, and cultures.† (Davis 431). Also, they assume that nearly all inexperienced writers rely on a type of â€Å"recipe† for research papers and other projects. One could say that this assumption is true since most college students write papers that are cut-and-dry research papers, following exact guidelines set by their instructors. Yet little credit is given to the creativity of these writers, even though it may (and most likely does) exist.

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Chapter 3

Chapter 3 The angel will tell me nothing of what happened to my friends, of the twelve, of Maggie. All he'll say is that they are dead and that I have to write my own version of the story. Oh, he'll tell me useless angel stories – of how Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis, or how Raphael snuck out of heaven to visit Satan and returned with something called a cell phone. (Evidently everyone has them in hell now.) He watches the television and when they show an earthquake or a tornado he'll say, â€Å"I destroyed a city with one of those once. Mine was better.† I am awash in useless angel prattle, but about my own time I know nothing but what I saw. And when the television makes mention of Joshua, calling him by his Greek name, Raziel changes the channel before I can learn anything. He never sleeps. He just watches me, watches the television, and eats. He never leaves the room. Today, while searching for extra towels, I opened one of the drawers and there, beneath a plastic bag meant for laundry, I found a book: Holy Bible, it said on the cover. Thank the Lord I did not take the book from the drawer, but opened it with my back to the angel. There are chapters there that were in no Bible I know. I saw the names of Matthew and John, I saw Romans and Galatians – this is a book of my time. â€Å"What are you doing?† the angel asked. I covered the Bible and closed the drawer. â€Å"Looking for towels. I need to bathe.† â€Å"You bathed yesterday.† â€Å"Cleanliness is important to my people.† â€Å"I know that. What, you think I don't know that?† â€Å"You're not exactly the brightest halo in the bunch.† â€Å"Then bathe. And stand away from the television.† â€Å"Why don't you go get me some towels?† â€Å"I'll call down to the desk.† And he did. If I am to get a look at that book, I must get the angel to leave the room. It came to pass that in the village of Japhia, the sister village of Nazareth, that Esther, the mother of one of the priests of the Temple, died of bad air. The Levite priests, or Sadducees, were rich from the tributes we paid to the Temple, and mourners were hired from all the surrounding villages. The families of Nazareth made the journey to the next hill for the funeral, and for the first time, Joshua and I were able to spend time with Maggie as we walked along the road. â€Å"So,† she said without looking at us, â€Å"have you two been playing with any snakes lately?† â€Å"We've been waiting for the lion to lay down with the lamb,† Joshua said. â€Å"That's the next part of the prophecy.† â€Å"What prophecy?† â€Å"Never mind,† I said. â€Å"Snakes are for boys. We are almost men. We will begin work after the Feast of Tabernacles. In Sepphoris.† I was trying to sound worldly. Maggie seemed unimpressed. â€Å"And you will learn to be a carpenter?† she asked Joshua. â€Å"I will do the work of my father, eventually, yes.† â€Å"And you?† she asked me. â€Å"I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.† â€Å"His father is a stonemason,† Joshua said. â€Å"We may both learn that skill.† At my urging, my father had offered to take Joshua on as an apprentice if Joseph approved. â€Å"Or a shepherd,† I added quickly. â€Å"Being a shepherd seems easy. I went with Kaliel last week to tend his flock. The Law says that two must go with the flock to keep an abomination from happening. I can spot an abomination from fifty paces.† Maggie smiled. â€Å"And did you prevent any abominations?† â€Å"Oh yes, I kept all of the abominations at bay while Kaliel played with his favorite sheep behind the bushes.† â€Å"Biff,† Joshua said gravely, â€Å"that was the abomination you were supposed to prevent.† â€Å"It was?† â€Å"Yes.† â€Å"Whoops. Oh well, I think I would make an excellent mourner. Do you know the words to any dirges, Maggie? I'm going to need to learn some dirges.† â€Å"I think that when I grow up,† Maggie announced, â€Å"I shall go back to Magdala and become a fisherman on the Sea of Galilee.† I laughed, â€Å"Don't be silly, you are a girl. You can't be a fisherman.† â€Å"Yes I can.† â€Å"No, you can't. You have to marry and have sons. Are you betrothed, by the way?† Joshua said: â€Å"Come with me, Maggie, and I will make you a fisher of men.† â€Å"What the hell does that mean?† Maggie asked. I grabbed Joshua by the back of his robe and began to drag him away. â€Å"Don't pay any attention to him. He's mad. He gets it from his mother. Lovely woman, but a loony. Come now, Josh, let's sing a dirge.† I began improvising what I thought was a good funeral song. â€Å"La-la-la. Oh, we are really, really sad that your mom is dead. Too bad you're a Sadducee and don't believe in an afterlife and your mom is just going to be worm food, la-la. Makes you think that you might want to reconsider, huh? Fa-la-la-la-la-la-wacka-wacka.† (It sounded great in Aramaic. Really.) â€Å"You two are silly.† â€Å"Gotta go. Mourning to do. See you.† â€Å"A fisher of women?† Josh said. â€Å"Fa-la-la-la, don't feel bad – she was old and had no teeth left, la-la-la. Come on, people, you know the words!† Later, I said, â€Å"Josh, you can't keep saying creepy things like that. ‘Fisher of men,' you want the Pharisees to stone you? Is that what you want?† â€Å"I'm only doing my father's work. Besides, Maggie is our friend, she wouldn't say anything.† â€Å"You're going to scare her away.† â€Å"No I won't. She's going to be with us, Biff.† â€Å"Are you going to marry her?† â€Å"I don't even know if I'm allowed to marry at all, Biff. Look.† We were topping the hill into Japhia, and we could see the crowd of mourners gathering around the village. Joshua was pointing to a red crest that stood out above the crowd – the helmet crest of a Roman centurion. The centurion was talking to the Levite priest, who was arrayed in white and gold, his white beard reaching past his belt. As we moved into the village we could see twenty or thirty other soldiers watching the crowd. â€Å"Why are they here?† â€Å"They don't like it when we gather,† Joshua said, pausing to study the centurion commander. â€Å"They are here to see that we don't revolt.† â€Å"Why is the priest talking to him?† â€Å"The Sadducee wants to assure the Roman of his influence over us. It wouldn't do to have a massacre on the day of his mother's funeral.† â€Å"So he's watching out for us.† â€Å"He's watching out for himself. Only for himself.† â€Å"You shouldn't say that about a priest of the Temple, Joshua.† It was the first time I ever heard Joshua speak against the Sadducees, and it frightened me. â€Å"Today, I think this priest will learn who the Temple belongs to.† â€Å"I hate it when you talk like that, Josh. Maybe we should go home.† â€Å"Do you remember the dead meadowlark we found?† â€Å"I have a really bad feeling about this.† Joshua grinned at me. I could see gold flecks shining in his eyes. â€Å"Sing your dirge, Biff. I think Maggie was impressed by your singing.† â€Å"Really? You think so?† â€Å"Nope.† There was a crowd of five hundred outside the tomb. In the front, the men had draped striped shawls over their heads and rocked as they prayed. The women were separated to the back, and except for the wailing of the hired mourners, it was as if they didn't exist. I tried to catch a glimpse of Maggie, but couldn't see her through the crowd. When I turned again, Joshua had wormed his way to the front of the men, where the Sadducee stood beside the corpse of his dead mother, reading from a scroll of the Torah. The women had wrapped the corpse in linen and anointed it with fragrant oils. I could smell sandalwood and jasmine amid the acrid sweat of the mourners as I made my way to the front and stood by Joshua. He looked past the priest and was staring at the corpse, his eyes narrowed in concentration. He was trembling as if taken by a chill wind. The priest finished his reading and began to sing, joined by the voices of hired singers who had made the journey all the way from the Temple in Jerusalem. â€Å"It's good to be rich, huh?† I whispered to Joshua, elbowing him in the ribs. He ignored me and balled up his fists at his sides. A vein stood out on his forehead as he burned his gaze on the corpse. And she moved. Just a twitch at first. The jerk of her hand under the linen shroud. I think I was the only one who noticed. â€Å"No, Joshua, don't,† I said. I looked for the Romans, who were gathered in groups of five at different points around the perimeter of the crowd looking bored, their hands resting on the hafts of their short swords. The corpse twitched again and raised her arm. There was a gasp in the crowd and a boy screamed. The men started backing away and the women pushed forward to see what was happening. Joshua fell to his knees and pressed his fists to his temples. The priest sang on. The corpse sat up. The singers stopped and finally the priest turned to look behind him at his dead mother, who had swung her legs off of the slab and looked as if she was trying to stand. The priest stumbled back into the crowd, clawing at the air before his eyes as if it some vapor was causing this horrible vision. Joshua was rocking on his knees, tears streaming down his cheeks. The corpse stood, and still covered by the shroud, turned as if she was looking around. I could see that several of the Romans had drawn their swords. I looked around and found the commanding centurion standing on the back of a wagon, giving signals to his men to stay calm. When I looked back I realized that Joshua and I had been deserted by the mourners and we stood out in the empty space. â€Å"Stop it, now, Josh,† I whispered in his ear, but he continued to rock and concentrate on the corpse, who took her first step. The crowd seemed to be transfixed by the walking corpse, but we were too isolated, too alone now with the dead, and I knew it would only be seconds before they noticed Joshua rocking in the dirt. I threw my arm around his throat and dragged him back away from the corpse and into a group of men who were wailing as they backed away. â€Å"Is he all right?† I heard at my ear, and turned to see Maggie standing beside me. â€Å"Help me get him away.† Maggie took one of Joshua's arms and I took the other as we dragged him away. His body was as stiff as a walking staff, and he kept his gaze trained on the corpse. The dead woman was walking toward her son, the priest, who was backing away, brandishing the scroll like a sword, his eyes as big as saucers. Finally the woman fell in the dirt, twitched, then lay still. Joshua went limp in our arms. â€Å"Let's get him out of here,† I said to Maggie. She nodded and helped me drag him behind the wagon where the centurion was directing his troops. â€Å"Is he dead?† the centurion asked. Joshua was blinking as if he'd just been awakened from a deep sleep. â€Å"We're never sure, sir,† I said. The centurion threw his head back and laughed. His scale armor rattled with the tossing of his shoulders. He was older than the other soldiers, gray-haired, but obviously lean and strong, and totally unconcerned with the histrionics of the crowd. â€Å"Good answer, boy. What is your name?† â€Å"Biff, sir. Levi bar Alphaeus, who is called Biff, sir. Of Nazareth.† â€Å"Well, Biff, I am Gaius Justus Gallicus, under-commander of Sepphoris, and I think that you Jews should make sure your dead are dead before you bury them.† â€Å"Yes sir,† I said. â€Å"You, girl. You are a pretty little thing. What is your name?† I could see that Maggie was shaken by the attention of the Roman. â€Å"I am Mary of Magdala, sir.† She wiped at Joshua's brow with the edge of her shawl as she spoke. â€Å"You will break someone's heart someday, eh, little one?† Maggie didn't answer. But I must have shown some reaction to the question, because Justus laughed again. â€Å"Or perhaps she already has, eh, Biff?† â€Å"It is our way, sir. That's why we Jews bury our women when they are still alive. It cuts down on the heartbreak.† The Roman took off his helmet, ran his hand over his short hair, and flung sweat at me. â€Å"Go on, you two, get your friend into the shade. It's too hot out here for a sick boy. Go on.† Maggie and I helped Joshua to his feet and began to lead him away, but when we had gone only a few steps, Joshua stopped and looked back over his shoulder at the Roman. â€Å"Will you slay my people if we follow our God?† he shouted. I cuffed him on the back of the head. â€Å"Joshua, are you insane?† Justus narrowed his gaze at Joshua and the smile went out of his eyes. â€Å"Whatever they tell you, boy, Rome has only two rules: pay your taxes and don't rebel. Follow those and you'll stay alive.† Maggie yanked Joshua around and smiled back at the Roman. â€Å"Thank you, sir, we'll get him out of the sun.† Then she turned back to Joshua. â€Å"Is there something you two would like to tell me?† â€Å"It's not me,† I said. â€Å"It's him.† The next day we met the angel for the first time. Mary and Joseph said that Joshua had left the house at dawn and they hadn't seen him since. I wandered around the village most of the morning, looking for Joshua and hoping to run into Maggie. The square was alive with talk of the walking dead woman, but neither of my friends was to be found. At noon my mother recruited me to watch my little brothers while she went to work with the other women in the vineyard. She returned at dusk, smelling of sweat and sweet wine, her feet purple from walking in the winepress. Cut loose, I ran all over the hilltop, checking in our favorite places to play, and finally found Joshua on his knees in an olive grove, rocking back and forth as he prayed. He was soaked in sweat and I was afraid he might have a fever. Strange, I never felt that sort of concern for my own brothers, but from the beginning, Joshua filled me with divinely inspired worry. I watched, and waited, and when he stopped his rocking and sat back to rest, I faked a cough to let him know I was coming. â€Å"Maybe you should stick with lizards for a while longer.† â€Å"I failed. I have disappointed my father.† â€Å"Did he tell you that, or do you just know it?† He thought for a moment, made as if to brush his hair away from his face, then remembered that he no longer wore his hair long and dropped his hands in his lap. â€Å"I ask for guidance, but I get no answer. I can feel that I am supposed to do things, but I don't know what. And I don't know how.† â€Å"I don't know, I think the priest was surprised. I certainly was. Maggie was. People will be talking about it for months.† â€Å"But I wanted the woman to live again. To walk among us. To tell of the miracle.† â€Å"Well, it is written, two out of three ain't bad.† â€Å"Where is that written?† â€Å"Dalmatians 9:7, I think – doesn't matter, no one else could have done what you did.† Joshua nodded. â€Å"What are people saying?† â€Å"They think that it was something the women used to prepare the corpse. They are still going through purification for two more days, so no one can ask them.† â€Å"So they don't know that it was me?† â€Å"I hope not. Joshua, don't you understand that you can't do that sort of thing in front of people? They aren't ready for it.† â€Å"But most of them want it. They talk about the Messiah coming to deliver us all the time. Don't I have to show them that he has come?† What do you say to that? He was right, since I could remember there was always talk of the coming of the Messiah, of the coming of the kingdom of God, of the liberation of our people from the Romans – the hills were full of different factions of Zealots who skirmished with the Romans in hope that they could bring about the change. We were the chosen of God, blessed and punished like no other on earth. When the Jews spoke, God listened, now it was God's turn to speak. Evidently, my best friend was supposed to be the mouthpiece. But at that moment, I just didn't believe it. Despite what I'd seen, Joshua was my pal, not the Messiah. I said, â€Å"I'm pretty sure the Messiah is supposed to have a beard.† â€Å"So, it's not time yet, is that what you're saying?† â€Å"Right, Josh, I'm going to know when you don't. God sent a messenger to me and he said, ‘By the way, tell Joshua to wait until he can shave before he leads my people out of bondage.'† â€Å"It could happen.† â€Å"Don't ask me, ask God.† â€Å"That's what I've been doing. He's not answering.† It had been getting darker by the minute in the olive grove, and I could barely see the shine in Josh's eyes, but suddenly the area around us was lit up like daylight. We looked up to see the dreaded Raziel descending on us from above the treetops. Of course I didn't know he was the dreaded Raziel at the time, I was just terrified. The angel shone like a star above us, his features so perfect that even my beloved Maggie's beauty paled by comparison. Joshua hid his face and huddled against the trunk of an olive tree. I guess he was more easily surprised by the supernatural than I was. I just stood there staring with my mouth open, drooling like the village idiot. â€Å"Fear not, for behold, I bring you tidings of great joy, which shall be to all men. For on this day, in the city of David, is born a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.† Then he hovered for a second, waiting for his message to sink in. Joshua uncovered his face and risked a glance at the angel. â€Å"Well?† the angel said. It took me a second to digest the meaning of the words, and I waited for Joshua to say something, but he had turned his face skyward and seemed to be basking in the light, a silly smile locked on his face. Finally I pointed a thumb at Josh and said, â€Å"He was born in the city of David.† â€Å"Really?† said the angel. â€Å"Yep.† â€Å"His mother's name is Mary?† â€Å"Yep.† â€Å"She a virgin?† â€Å"He has four brothers and sisters now, but at one time, yes.† The angel looked around nervously, as if he might expect a multitude of the heavenly host to show up at some point. â€Å"How old are you, kid?† Joshua just stared, smiling. â€Å"He's ten.† The angel cleared his throat and fidgeted a bit, dropping a few feet toward the ground as he did so. â€Å"I'm in a lot of trouble. I stopped to chat with Michael on the way here, he had a deck of cards. I knew some time had passed, but†¦Ã¢â‚¬  To Joshua he said, â€Å"Kid, were you born in a stable? Wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger?† Joshua said nothing. â€Å"That's the way his mom tells it,† I said. â€Å"Is he retarded?† â€Å"I think you're his first angel. He's impressed, I think.† â€Å"What about you?† â€Å"I'm in trouble because I'm going to be an hour late for dinner.† â€Å"I see what you mean. I'd better get back and check on this. If you see some shepherds watching over their flocks by night would you tell them – uh, tell them – that at some point, probably, oh – ten years or so ago, that a Savior was born? Could you do that?† â€Å"Sure.† â€Å"Okey-dokey. Glory to God in the highest. Peace on earth, goodwill toward men.† â€Å"Right back at you.† â€Å"Thanks. Bye.† And as quickly as he had come, the angel was gone in a shooting star and the olive grove went dark again. I could just make out Joshua's face as he turned to look at me. â€Å"There you go,† I said. â€Å"Next question?† I suppose that every boy wonders what he will be when he grows up. I suppose that many watch their peers accomplish great things and wonder, â€Å"Could I have done that?† For me, to know at ten that my best friend was the Messiah, while I would live and die a stonecutter, seemed too much of a curse for a ten-year-old to bear. The morning after we met the angel, I went to the square and sat with Bartholomew the village idiot, hoping that Maggie would come to the well. If I had to be a stonecutter, at least I might have the love of an enchanting woman. In those days, we started training for our life's work at ten, then received the prayer shawl and phylacteries at thirteen, signifying our entry into manhood. Soon after we were expected to be betrothed, and by fourteen, married and starting a family. So you see, I was not too young to consider Maggie as a wife (and I might always have the fallback position of marrying Joshua's mother when Joseph died). The women would come and go, fetching water, washing clothes, and as the sun rose high and the square cleared, Bartholomew sat in the shade of a tattered date palm and picked his nose. Maggie never appeared. Funny how easy heartbreak can come. I've always had a talent for it. â€Å"Why you cry?† said Bartholomew. He was bigger than any man in the village, his hair and beard were wild and tangled, and the yellow dust that covered him from head to toe gave him the appearance of an incredibly stupid lion. His tunic was ragged and he wore no sandals. The only thing he owned was a wooden bowl that he ate from and licked clean. He lived off of the charity of the village, and by gleaning the grain fields (there was always some grain left in the fields for the poor – it was dictated by the Law). I never knew how old he was. He spent his days in the square, playing with the village dogs, giggling to himself, and scratching his crotch. When the women passed he would stick out his tongue and say, â€Å"Bleh.† My mother said he had the mind of a child. As usual, she was wrong. He put his big paw on my shoulder and rubbed, leaving a dusty circle of affection on my shirt. â€Å"Why you cry?† he asked again. â€Å"I'm just sad. You wouldn't understand.† Bartholomew looked around, and when he saw that we were alone in the square except for his dog pals, he said, â€Å"You think too much. Thinking will bring you nothing but suffering. Be simple.† â€Å"What?† It was the most coherent thing I'd ever heard him say. â€Å"Do you ever see me cry? I have nothing, so I am slave to nothing. I have nothing to do, so nothing makes me its slave.† â€Å"What do you know?† I snapped. â€Å"You live in the dirt. You are unclean! You do nothing. I have to begin working next week, and work for a lifetime until I die with a broken back. The girl I want is in love with my best friend, and he's the Messiah. I'm nothing, and you, you – you're an idiot.† â€Å"No, I'm not, I'm a Greek. A Cynic.† I turned and really looked at him. His eyes, normally as dull as mud, shone like black jewels in the dusty desert of his face. â€Å"What's a Cynic?† â€Å"A philosopher. I am a student of Diogenes. You know Diogenes?† â€Å"No, but how much could he have taught you? Your only friends are dogs.† â€Å"Diogenes went about Athens with a lamp in broad daylight, holding it in people's faces, saying he was looking for an honest man.† â€Å"So, he was like the prophet of the idiots?† â€Å"No, no, no.† Bart picked up a small terrier and was gesturing with him to make his point. The dog seemed to enjoy it. â€Å"They were all fooled by their culture. Diogenes taught that all affectations of modern life were false, that a man must live simply, outdoors, carry nothing, make no art, no poetry, no religion†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"Like a dog,† I said. â€Å"Yes!† Bart described a flourish in the air with the rat dog. â€Å"Exactly!† The little dog made as if to upchuck from the motion. Bart put him down and he wobbled away. A life without worry: right then it sounded wonderful. I mean, I didn't want to live in the dirt and have other people think me mad, like Bartholomew, but a dog's life really didn't sound bad. The idiot had been hiding a deep wisdom all these years. â€Å"I'm trying to learn to lick my own balls,† Bart said. Maybe not. â€Å"I have to go find Joshua.† â€Å"You know he is the Messiah, don't you?† â€Å"Wait a minute, you're not a Jew – I thought you didn't believe in any religion.† â€Å"The dogs told me he was the Messiah. I believe them. Tell Joshua I believe them.† â€Å"The dogs told you?† â€Å"They're Jewish dogs.† â€Å"Right, let me know how the ball licking works out.† â€Å"Shalom.† Who would have thought that Joshua would find his first apostle among the dirt and dogs of Nazareth. Bleh. I found Joshua at the synagogue, listening to the Pharisees lecture on the Law. I stepped through the group of boys sitting on the floor and whispered to him. â€Å"Bartholomew says that he knows you are the Messiah.† â€Å"The idiot? Did you ask him how long he's known?† â€Å"He says the village dogs told him.† â€Å"I never thought to ask the dogs.† â€Å"He says that we should live simply, like dogs, carry nothing, no affectations – whatever that means.† â€Å"Bartholomew said that? Sounds like an Essene. He's much smarter than he looks.† â€Å"He's trying to learn to lick his own balls.† â€Å"I'm sure there's something in the Law that forbids that. I'll ask the rabbi.† â€Å"I'm not sure you want to bring that up to the Pharisee.† â€Å"Did you tell your father about the angel?† â€Å"No.† â€Å"Good. I've spoken to Joseph, he's going to let me learn to be a stonecutter with you. I don't want your father to change his mind about teaching me. I think the angel would frighten him.† Joshua looked at me for the first time, turning from the Pharisee, who droned on in Hebrew. â€Å"Have you been crying?† â€Å"Me? No, Bart's stench made my eyes water.† Joshua put his hand on my forehead and all the sadness and trepidation seemed to drain out of me in an instant. He smiled. â€Å"Better?† â€Å"I'm jealous of you and Maggie.† â€Å"That can't be good for your neck.† â€Å"What?† â€Å"Trying to lick your own balls. It's got to be hard on your neck.† â€Å"Did you hear me? I'm jealous of you and Maggie.† â€Å"I'm still learning, Biff. There are things I don't understand yet. The Lord said, ‘I am a jealous God.' So jealousy should be a good thing.† â€Å"But it makes me feel so bad.† â€Å"You see the puzzle, then? Jealousy makes you feel bad, but God is jealous, so it must be good, yet when a dog licks its balls it seems to enjoy it, but it must be bad under the Law.† Suddenly Joshua was yanked to his feet by the ear. The Pharisee glared at him. â€Å"Is the Law of Moses too boring for you, Joshua bar Joseph?† â€Å"I have a question, Rabbi,† Joshua said. â€Å"Oh, jeez.† I hid my head in my arms.

Child Sexual Abuse: A Review of the Literature Essay

Abstract Child sexual abuse (CSA) is a hidden epidemic of child abuse and neglect. Approximately there are 3 million reports of CSA in the United States every year involving nearly 6 million children. CSA take place across ethnic and cultural lines, in all socioeconomic levels, all levels of education and within all religions. Numerous adverse effects correlate with CSA some examples include, anxiety, avoidance depression, low self-esteem, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and promiscuity. In the present paper, research in the role of psychological distress in women with history of CSA reviewed to gain a understanding depression , high risk sexual activity nature of the trauma , obstacles in relationships, possessing negative beliefs and attitudes towards others, psychological effects, psychopathology. The following literature review attempts to establish and support CSA association with psychological, emotional and physical behaviors in adulthood. Continuous studies of sexually abused c hildren and treatment outcomes are essential. Keywords: Child sexual abuse, anxiety, avoidance depression, low self-esteem, post-traumatic stress disorder, promiscuity Child Sexual Abuse Survivors of CSA often suffer from adverse psychological distress from CSA, long after the abuse has ended. Adult survivors are at increased risk of having of having one or more long-term negative consequences (Bremner et al., 1999; Colangelo and Keefe-Cooperman, 2012; Gladstone, Parker, Wilhelm, Mitchell, & Austin, 1999; Goodyear-Brown, 2012; Rosenthal, Rasmussen Hall, Palm, Batten, & Follette, 2005; Trowell, Kolvin, Weeramanthri, Sadowski, Berelowitz, Glasser, & Leitch, 2002). A history of CSA is not uncommonly reported by survivors with depressive disorders (Gladstone et al., 1999). They seek out a mental health professional for numerous reasons. Rosenthal et al. (2005) found shame, guilt and the social stigma with CSA of such experiences; it is likely that survivors would attempt to avoid memories and feelings through various means including psychological distress, depression, anxiety, substance abuse, suicidal behavior and borderline personality disorders. Defining the Problem Bremner et al. (1999) affirmed child sexual abuse is extremely common in today’s society; 16% of women are the victim of rape, attempted or molestation at some time before their 18th birthday. However, CSA prevalence rates varied substantially making comparisons difficult (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman , 2012 as cited in Butcher, Mineka, & Hooley, 2010). In addition, the main definitional difference was whether the abuse was physical or also involved noncontact behaviors. Goodyear-Brown, 2012 (as cited in Berliner, 2011; Berliner & Elliott, 2002; Finkelhor, 1979) defined CSA as any sexual activity involving a child in whom the child is unable or unwilling to give consent. In addition, reported CSA is a problem of epidemic symmetry affecting children of all ages, socioeconomic levels and cultural backgrounds. Therefore, all states have legal procedures against child sexual abuse, literal meanings dissent from state to state, and sexual abuse is not always clearly addressed as distinct from physical abuse (Goodyear-Brown, 2012). CSA impacts all people from a wide variety of backgrounds. Researchers have documented CSA has no boundaries of race, class, culture, ethnicity, gender, and sexuality. As a result it affects the whole community including, children, adolescents, and adults. While victims including offenders are without doubt, most undeviatingly impacted, households and communities in which the abuse occurred are also strongly impacted if there is no satisfactory response to the issue. Personality Disorders The ability to develop relationships and get along with others is essential to healthy wellbeing. Maintaining positive, reciprocal social connections includes comprehending social cues, speaking up for oneself, and finding people who will not exploit and hurt others. Consequently, the ability to develop and maintain relationships becomes affected. Low Self-Esteem Sexual abuse survivors, in one study, expressed more internalizing behaviors than did their non-abused counter parts. In fact, women with history of CSA were more likely to use negative terms to describe themselves and less likely to attribute positive meaning to sexual behavior (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012, as cited in Meston and Heiman, 2000). Also, women with a history of CSA perceived their bodies as less sexually attractive than nonabused and reported feeling angry and distant from, their own bodies during sexual activity (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012, as cited in Wenniinger and Heiman, 1998). In addition, patients who report CSA, 93% self-reported helplessness, sinfulness, guilt, worthlessness and self-image (Gladstone et al., 1999). Avoidance Rosenthal et al., (2005) established that women victimized during childhood, were likely to have avoidance of experiences. Survivors with the avoidant style have few interpersonal bonds and few friends. They are not as imaginable to be linked in relations with others and less likely to be married. The invasive style is overly burdensome and controlling. However, the invasive style has exceptional needs for closeness. There is extreme self-disclosure, and relationships are excessively smothering. Equally the avoidant and invasive styles are dysfunctional and are possibly to result in loneliness. Sexual Disorders The impact of CSA on a woman’s sexual functions relates to high risk sexual activities. Risky sexual behavior is the most thoroughly documentation of destructive behavior in abuse survivors. Also, significantly impacts the quality of sexual and romantic relationships of the victims. Promiscuity Researchers found 20% of women worldwide reported sexual contact with an adult during their childhood (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012 as cited in Freyd et al., 2005). Women reported performing a sexual act against their will, before age 15 (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012 as cited in Fanslow, Crengle, Perese and Robinson, 2007). Also, women with a sexual abuse history reported more negative feelings about sex and experience less satisfaction than do nonabused women (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012 as cited in Leonard et al., 2008; Meston et al., 2006). Findings, for women whose abuse experience included earlier onset of consensual sexual activity, higher rates of teen pregnancy, multiple sexual partners, unprotected intercourse (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012, as cited in Ferguson et al., 1997; Raj, Silverman & Amaro, 2000; Walker et al., 1999). Furthermore, increased rates of abortion and anal sex (Colangelo & Keefe-Cooperman, 2012 as cited in Windgood & DiClemente, 1997). Anxiety Disorders A plethora of literature has developed over the past 20 years demonstrating the potentially life-threatening magnitude of negative emotions. Depression is one of the most frequently occurring sequelae of past abuse. Depression Gladstone et al., (1999) linked behavioral problems in adulthood to CSA and found that more patients with exposure to CSA, than patients with no exposure, had evidence of significant personality disturbances before their current depressive episode. In addition, patients with history of CSA reported higher levels of depression (Gladstone et al., 1999). Significantly, patients with exposure of CSA reported having an alcoholic father than did those who had not. To emphasize researchers also found other over represented characteristics to feel unsafe, a dysfunctional father, verbal abuse and exposure to an unstable relationship between parents (Gladstone et al., 1999). Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Bremner et al., (1999) identified CSA is the most common cause of PTSD, which affects 10% of individuals in this country. In spite of the high prevalence rates of CSA and PTSD, there is little on the long-term effects of abuse on the brain. Trowell et al. (2002) examined the relationship between PTSD and symptoms the led victims to seek treatment. They found that a significant number of victims in their sample manifest symptoms of PTSD, including flashbacks and intrusive memories. However, despite the fact that most CSA victims did not meet full diagnostic criteria for PTSD, many reported having some post-traumatic symptoms. These symptoms included hyper vigilance, intrusive thoughts, and rapid intrusive flashbacks of the abuse Researchers monitored the relative efficacy of focused individual or group psychotherapy for sexually abused girls and psychopathological outcome findings and patterns of change. Both treatment groups showed substantial psychopathological improvements, but with no evident difference between individual and group therapy. Therefore, individual therapy led to a greater improvement in manifestations of PTSD (Trowell et al., 2002). References Bremner, J. D., Narayan, M., Staib, L. H., Southwick, S. M., McGlashan, T., & Charney, D.S. (1999). Neural correlates of memories of childhood sexual abuse in women with and without posttraumatic stress disorder. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 156(11), 1787-1795. Colangelo, J.J., & Keefe-Cooperman, K. (2012). Understanding the impact of childhood sexual abuse on women’s sexuality. Journal of Mental Health Counseling, 34(1), 1-5. Gladstone, G., Parker, G., Wilhelm, K., Mitchell, P., & Austin, M. (1999). Characteristics of depressed patients who report childhood sexual abuse. The American Journal of Psychiatry, 156(3), 431-437. Goodyear-Brown, P. (2012).The scope of the problem. In P. Goodyear-Brown (Eds.), Handbook of child sexual abuse: Identification, assessment, and treatment (pp. 1-28). Hoboken, New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc. Rosenthal, Z.M., Rasmussen Hall, M. L., Palm, K.M, Batten, S.V., & Follette, V.M. (2005). Chronic avoidance helps explain the relationship b etween severity of childhood sexual abuse and psychological distress in adulthood. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 14(4), 25-41. Trowell, J., Kolvin, I., T. Weeramanthri, T., Sadowski, H., Berelowitz, M., Glasser, D., & Leitch, I. (2002). Psychotherapy for sexually abused girls: psychopathological outcome findings and patterns of change. British Journal of Psychiatry, 180, 234-247.

Three really is a crowd

â€Å"Would you like some pretzels with your wine.† The airhostess said, I never drink when I fly but in this case I need a drink to steady my nerves I have called my old friend Lauren to see if she knows where nick is living now and I am in luck she had just seen nick. â€Å"How was he?† I asked impatiently â€Å"He was kind of distant, not his usual laid back self. Why are you asking about nick you never want to talk about him what has happened?† Lauren sounded concerned. I couldn't keep secrets from Lauren she was my oldest friend and my rock when things go wrong. I had to tell her so for the next half an hour I poured my heart out I told her everything about Pierre and nick and the engagement ring. † Well he sounded really upset now I know why, what are you going to do.† She sounded genuinely sorry for me. † I am just going to turn up at his flat and try to talk him round I love him Lauren, it has always been him I was happy with Pierre sure, but he was always in the back of my mind.† I am never one to pour out my heart but I couldn't help myself. Lauren offered me her spare bedroom to stay at her house, which is less than a mile away from nicks so it would be perfect. I wake up as I look out the window and can just see the sky through all the buildings there is a deep blue sky just like the day me and nick went on a weekend away the sky was like that all weekend I can't help but smile at all the good memories of me and nick. The time at the new years the night nick and me first got together ‘ I was all alone no one to kiss at midnight 4,3,2 I am going to look like such an idiot 1 nick suddenly appears from no where and kisses me a real kiss I had never been kissed the way he kissed me.' There it is that all to familiar feeling when I think of me and nick. Later that day I was in the local cafà ¯Ã‚ ¿Ã‚ ½, all of a sudden Lauren made excuses for herself and left quickly as I watched her leave my eyes wandered to the bar where nick was sitting I nearly spilled my coke I hadn't even noticed him come in. What should I do I didn't want to talk to him here and now I wanted to be alone with him I couldn't just chicken out not after giving up my relationship with Pierre and possibly my dream job. All of a sudden with out any notice nick turns his head he sees me I don't know what to do I end up sitting their like an idiot pretending not to notice him. To my surprise nick gets up and walks out. I nearly burst into tears I knew that I hurt nick but I didn't think he could not even bare to look at me anymore. When I get back to Laurens I tell her everything she has a great idea † How about I ring nick and ask him if he wants some company tonight you turn up instead of me and explain how you love him.† She was the best friend a girl could have I agreed to the idea. In the taxi on the way to nicks house I couldn't help but feel sick with nerves the way he had just blanked me as if he didn't even know me as if I meant nothing to him as if nothing had never happened between us I know I hurt him but he is the man I love, I would give up the whole world for him. It takes me what 10 to15 minuets to knock on the door suddenly my phone rings I open my bag in such a hurry everything falls out onto the floor. I hear the latch on the door turning I look up to see nick staring down at me, I wonder is he going to slam the door in my face but to my surprise he bends down and starts picking all the contents of my handbag up as he passes it to me our eyes meet he holds my glance I can't breath thinking what I have done to this man how I lied to him how I hurt him so much. † We better go inside.† He finally says he hands my bag to me and opens the door letting me in. why is he being so cool about all this, what happened today in the cafà ¯Ã‚ ¿Ã‚ ½? His flat is so nice his shinny leather sofa and his modern art that is so cool and laid back like himself, they say people's house tells you most things about them when nick came to my flat their were dark lies in all of Pierre's stuff. â€Å"Nick I am so sorry I came here to explain everything!† I sound desperate but I can't help it. â€Å"You hurt me.† † I know I was just starting to get my life on track after I left you and then you walk back into my life and my whole world turns upside down and with one look at you I fall completely head over heels in love with you.† Nick says nothing he just stares at the floor he can't even bare to look at me. â€Å"I didn't want to tell you about Pierre I knew it would wreck all our chances together.† † So you just lied to me, as if I meant nothing to you.† He sounds hurt â€Å"You know I don't think you are nothing I think you are everything. I would never intentionally hurt you.† A tear rolls down my cheek I suddenly realise how much I have hurt nick. â€Å"I should leave.† I go to get up and leave to my surprise nick jumps up he reaches for my arm to stop me â€Å"Why are you going?† He almost sounds desperate like I did earlier. † I don't know I don't see how I can undo what I have done and it is like a knife through my heart seeing the pain in your eyes the pain I have caused and it is in your eyes now as I try helplessly to try and explain what I have done to you.† I can hardly see nick through tears. Nick reaches up and wipes my tears away, why is he being so nice I don't understand. † I love you Sarah even if you lied and even if you left me to go to nice I will always love you.† † But can you forgive me?† Nick let's go of me he sits down on his cool leather sofa he puts his head in his hands. † Let me explain myself, you see I had left you behind it took me at least a year to get over you, then one day Pierre walked into my office he was the new guy he was so gorgeous and charming.† † Do I really have to hear about you and Pierre.† He says almost in disgust, am I digging myself a hole but I have to tell him everything. † Just listen to me no more lies, I never thought I would find love again it wasn't the love we shared but my life had to go on me and Pierre were happy the night before I saw you he proposed if I had known I was going to see you again I would have called everything off right then and there but I thought I was never going to see you again I thought you had moved on and made a new life of your own.† I was trying my best to make nick see that I didn't purposely try to hurt him. † I understood all that, I just can't understand why you lied cause I asked you if you had a boyfriend and you lied straight to my face, I actually remember seeing the ring on your finger and thinking nothing of it thinking that it was your right hand or something.† He looked so tiered and fed up. † Did you take the ring off?† he asks, I can't lie to him not now even as much as I'd like to I just can't. † Yes but again I can explain you asked me if I had a boyfriend so I took the ring off hoping you hadn't already noticed, I know you want to know why because I love you and wanted to see†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I can't get out the words and when I do they sound all wrong. † To see what?† he is starting to get annoyed â€Å"To see if we ever had a chance together.† I am nearly in tears again † Don't cry please.† He sounds concerned † How can I not cry I am trying to undo the mess I have done, I have said I am sorry I can't say anymore I have described the way I feel, but I now am asking you what you think!† I can't help but ask I know it sounds selfish but I am giving loads and getting nothing back this was it truth time when I had to know what my future with nick was going to be. † I said earlier that I still love you.† He seems kind of distance not to sure of what he is saying. † But can you forgive me nick I need to know.† I have to know I can't bare it; nick is the type of guy not to let you know what he is thinking even if I know him as well as I do. † I forgive you, but you have hurt me.† I nearly burst into tears with happiness, we both catch each others gaze and in those blue eyes my happiness is restored. Nick stands up he comes right up to me and wraps those warm and protective arms around me. ‘Ring, ring' nicks phone is ringing, I can't believe it who could it be, it is nearly half ten at night. † Who could that be?† I have to ask † I don't know.† ‘Ring, ring' † Aren't you going to answer it then.† Nick walks over and picks up his phone to see who is calling; to my surprise he switches his phone off without even answering it. † Who was it?† † Oh no-one, I have more important stuff here and now.† Nick takes me by the hand and sits me down on the sofa, I am expecting him to sit next to me, to my horror he gets down on one knee and produces this jewellery box, he opens it and in there is the most perfect ring in the world. † I know it isn't the size of Pierre's ring†¦Ã¢â‚¬  † No, no it is perfect.† † I think you know the question I am going to ask but I am going to ask it anyway, Sarah will you marry me.† I look down into those perfect blue eyes. † I think you know the answer, yes.† I shout it so loud, nick puts the ring on my finger, then jumps up and lifts me up spinning me around he starts to slow down just as he is putting me on the floor he leans in and kisses me a real kiss a nick kiss, my nick. I later discovered that nick had bought the ring in nice and had come for a job interview so he could live with me in nice. I can't wait to tell Lauren I am so excited, I walk back to Laurens it is such a clear and perfect night the stars are so bright and clear. † Lauren you will never guess what has happened!† I feel like I can't get the words out fast enough. † What?† she sounds confused and worried † Are you alright?† † I am the best, you know how I was going to nicks, well when I got there my phone rang and he opened the door and I was scrambling†¦Ã¢â‚¬  † So you and nick got back together then.† She sounds weird and not her usual self. † Not only that he asked me to marry him.† I have to scream † No way, oh my god I don't believe it!† she sounds so surprised † I think I am going to bed.† She says, what the hell I wanted to stay up most of the night planning it. † Oh what, don't you want to help me with ideas.† † No I am so tired, but we will talk in the morning.† She gives me a faded smile and goes off to bed. I can't possibly sleep now so I deicide to go back to nicks. I don't bother to buzz because someone is coming out of the building, as I reach out to knock on nicks door it opens and out walks Lauren in tears. † What the hell are you doing here and why are you crying.† I say confused. † Lauren wait I can explain†¦Ã¢â‚¬  nick walks out after Lauren but stops dead when he see's me. † Lauren what is the matter.† I look at nick for an answer but he is staring at the ground, what is going on? I want to know I thought she said she was going to bed. † Why don't you let nick explain, let nick explain everything.† Lauren runs off in tears. I have no idea what is going on † Nick what the hell is going on, why is Lauren crying, why was she even here?† I don't understand any of this. † We need to talk, lets go inside.† Nick walks into the flat I follow behind him, when I get into his flat there is a smashed glass on the floor. † What has happened let me clear it up.† I walk over to clear it up † Just leave it, I need to tell you something.† He sounds guilty and worried. † Nick what is going on, first Lauren comes out of your flat crying then there is a smashed glass on the floor and now you are looking guilty and asking to talk to Me.† am I being paranoid? † You might want to sit down I have to tell you something.† † What nick tell me now don't give me all this crap about sitting down tell me.† † Lauren was crying because she didn't want you and me to get married.† † What, why?† I don't understand. † Because she loves me.† I don't believe it he doesn't look like he is lying I look into his eyes he is telling the truth nick never lies not to me. Suddenly it all makes sense when nick walked into the cafà ¯Ã‚ ¿Ã‚ ½ this morning how Lauren walked out and why she didn't want to talk about my wedding plans. † Why would she be in love with you?† I can't believe I am asking this and I try to not to sound like I want to know but the question has to be asked. † Because, we had a thing!† † What do you mean a thing?† he better not be saying what I think he is saying. † Me and Lauren together.† † You're not giving me enough information, what the hell are you trying to say here?† I can't believe what he is trying to tell me. † Me and Lauren we had a thing together, right after you left.† † I don't believe what you are saying, how long for?† I feel like I want to scream. Nick whispers something but I can't quite here him. † Don't whisper I need to hear this.† † Two years the same time as you and Pierre were together.† † Pierre you didn't even know, whereas my best friend.† † You slept with my best friend, don't even try to get out of it and you leave me standing on the prom in nice crying my eyes out because I got engaged while you are sleeping with my best friend who I have known and trusted for over ten years.† I am nearly in tears and I feel pathetic but I am angry, angry at being so stupid not to see it and angry at nick for making me feel bad and guilty when he has been doing exactly the same but worse. † I'm sorry, I can explain give me a chance like I gave you a chance earlier.† He sounds desperate and upset. I look over to him he has tears in those big blue eyes he stands up and walks over to me. † You had gone and Lauren understood what I was going through so we became friends and one night we got really really drunk and one thing led to another†¦Ã¢â‚¬  â€Å"So you slept together at least me and Pierre were in a stable relationship.† I am so mad I am crying in anger. Nick reaches out to wipe my tears away but I push his hand away. † Don't touch me, how could you and you blamed me for getting engaged and you, you were†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I can't even say the words; suddenly a thought comes into my head. † Wait a minute when I spoke to Lauren on the phone last night on the plane she said that she had seen you in the last twenty four hours that means you slept with Lauren after you had seen me didn't you.† I am really crying now. † Didn't you!!!† I scream at him he looks up with tears in his eyes and nods his head. † You bastard.† I run over to him and hit him again and again I am like those sad and depressed woman in the movies but I can't help it nick is holding me down and trying to hug me. † Get off me.† I am crying so so much, I can smell nick his gorgeous smell, nick is still trying to hug me I give up we just stand there holding each other for what seems like hours after a while nick speaks. â€Å"Let me explain just give me that much of a chance.† He sounds like he is crying I look up to see that he is, I nod and sit down on the sofa to listen I don't want to hear this but I want to know I have to know. † You had just gone and Lauren was there the first time we slept together we were drunk, then it became a regular thing.† I look away as tears spill out my eyes I can't take it but I've got to know, nick lifts my head up and looks me right in the eyes, he is nearly crying as well. † I knew I couldn't have you, so Lauren was the closest thing to you, what me and Lauren had was like a drop in the ocean compared to us, Lauren was growing more and more attached but all I wanted was you, before I knew it me and Lauren had been doing it for two years and she just wasn't you so I decided to come and get you when I got there you were with Pierre.† He gets up and walks into the kitchen, I follow him when I get into the kitchen he has his back to me I swear he just wiped a tear away from his eye he turns to me and looks into my eyes. † Sarah I love you.† † But can I forgive you?† † That is up to you, what me and Lauren did is horrible and I will never forgive myself.† † I don't know I have to think this through until then I think you should have this.† I slide off mine and nicks engagement ring I reach out to give it to him but he refuses to take it so I put it on the granite worktop and leave. Where should I go I can't go to Laurens I defiantly can't go to nicks. ‘Knock knock' it is taking ages for them to answer after what seems like hours later the door opens. † Mum!† I burst into tears † Sarah what has happened come in what has happened.† So I tell her everything right from the start the two engagement rings, Pierre, nice, Lauren and nick. By the time my story has finished it is beginning to get light. † What should I do mum I don't know what to do.† † First you should get some sleep then we will talk about it.† She smiles at me. It is weird sleeping in my old room so many times I cried myself to sleep in this bed, when dad left, when granddad died, when I failed my GCSE's, the night before I left for nice and left nick behind. I get up to the smell of home when I go downstairs mum is sitting in her usual spot I remember as I child whenever she had to think something through she would sit their and no one was allowed to disturb her for hours. † Hey how did you sleep?† She pats the spot next to her I go and sit with her. † Not well, I kept thinking about nick and how he is, I did try to stop thinking about him but he just kept coming back into my mind.† â€Å"I know sweetie it is horrible.† † What should I do mum?† † My advice is, Lauren is the main one to blame I am not saying nick is innocent in all this but he was looking for a replacement of you, whereas Lauren knew full well what she was doing and lied to you every time she spoke to you.† † Still I don't know what to do.† † Go and talk to nick and if you love him give it one last try I am not saying it will be easy.† So I took mums advice. I press the buzzer outside nicks flat, so many things are running through my head I don't know what is going to happen I don't even know weather to forgive him or weather I can forgive him. † Hello† † It's me, can I talk to you.† He buzzes me in without saying another word, when the lift doors open he is standing by his door wearing boxers and a t-shirt. † I was asleep I wasn't expecting you to come back.† He looks really tiered and upset I can't look him straight in the eyes just yet. † You better come in.† he walks in leaving the door open behind him when I come into the flat I find him in his bedroom sitting on the end of the bed, he looks up at me † I didn't get much sleep after you left I obviously feel asleep, how have you been?† he looks concerned † I didn't sleep much every time I tried to sleep I just kept thinking about you.† I look at nick and ask myself how can I still love him after what he is done to me and if I was being honest with myself I don't actually know the answer. † Can I ask you one thing?† I say curiously † Anything but are you sure you want to hear it?† † It isn't about you and Lauren.† I say † Ok then what is it?† he looked surprised did he want me to ask about him and Lauren or was their more he hadn't told me, that he had left out hoping I wouldn't know maybe I was just being paranoid it was hard to tell this whole lie was so unexpected. † If you were sleeping with Lauren†¦Ã¢â‚¬  nick looks away ashamed † When you came to nice and found out about me and Pierre how come you were so mean to me when you were doing the same with Lauren?† it is a harsh question but it has to be asked. † Because you obviously had strong feelings for Pierre, I don't know maybe the thought of you even liking someone else also maybe the fact that you lied to me.† He sounds annoyed at that. How can he be annoyed at me I didn't sleep his best friend did I? † Why are you getting annoyed at me for lying.† I sound like a spoilt child â€Å"I don't know?† † Well I suggest you find out, you're the one who told me after I agreed to marry you.† † You're the one who let me find out when your fiancà ¯Ã‚ ¿Ã‚ ½ turned up when I was topless just about to kiss you.† Nick stands up, I can't believe him. † Oh that is low even for someone that sleeps with my best friend when he says he was madly in love with me.† I say spitefully † Don't you dare for a second say I wasn't in love with you.† † So why didn't you come and get me?† † I did.† † What three years later, three years to late.† I am shouting now thank god it is the middle of the day and not the night. † What did you expect me to come after you?† † Yes.† I say almost in a whisper, Nicks face instantly changes † What?† † Yes, I wanted you to come and get me but you never showed up.† Nick comes closer to me † I never knew.† † You didn't have to know were weren't supposed to know.† I turn away from nick, I have come here to try and sort things out and end up saying things that were just stupid thoughts ages ago and they don't even help now. I can't think of anything to say and nick is just looking at me, I seriously have no idea what to do I want to tell him so much I love him but I just can't not now. I look at nick hard to see what he is thinking looking into his eyes I just can't work it out. Suddenly I thought crosses my mind. † I need to go.† † What, why I thought we need to talk.† Does he think this is it. † I have to speak to Lauren see what she has to say and pick up my stuff.† † Why are you going, are you coming back.† † I don't know, I just have to talk to her to see what she has to say about all of this.† I leave the flat as I am pressing the bottom for the lift door to close nick suddenly comes out of his flat and holds the lift door open. † Promise you will come back and talk to me.† He says I don't know what to say I have to hear Laurens side of the story before I make any decisions. † Even if you can't forgive me at least come and say goodbye.† I nod and nick lets go of the lift door I look at him as the door closes I look at his light brown ruffled hair, his perfectly tanned skin, his strong hands, and those perfect sea blue eyes. I really don't want to see or hear Laurens side of the story but it has to be done; I suppose I owe it to our friendship or something like that. I don't bother to knock or buzz because being one of her oldest friends I have a key it is, seeing as it is a Sunday she is sure to be in. when I walk in she turns around and smiles † Sarah where have you been did you stop over at nicks.† She winks at me, Why is she acting normal when she knows what is going on. † Isn't that more your style!† I know I sound like a fifteen year old but before I can stop myself I have said it. Lauren sighs † So he told you† † Well what did you expect him to do not tell me?† † Oh I don't know, I didn't expect you to even come after him.† † What you knew.† † Of course, all of a sudden I was dumped for you.† now she sounds like a fifthteen year old † Lauren you can try to match you and nick to me and nick but as nick said your relationship was like a drop in the ocean compared to ours. So don't you dare compare, I am here for one thing only and that is to hear your pathetic excuse of a side of the story.† I have to stay strong and not cry I try to remember revenge is a dish best served cold, cold like Laurens heart has to be. † Sarah don't be like this.† She sounds desperate † So come on then I want to get this over with lets here it from start to finish the whole feeble excuse for an affair.† â€Å"Sarah don't be like this.† † Why not.† I shout at her I hate being like this but I am so mad at her. â€Å"Ok, I'll tell you just after you left nick was really upset so I went round to cheer him up and we got really really drunk and ended up in bed together and from then it become a regular thing.† She looks away ashamed of herself exactly like Nick. † So what is your excuse then nick had a reasonable one.† I ask impatiently † What I just told you about me and nick.† † No you told me what happened I want an excuse for sleeping with my ex boyfriend when you knew I still liked him.† I know I am being really unfair on her but she deserves it. † You knew I always liked nick I knew he was just using me because he couldn't have you.† † Is that it.† I say in disgust † Is that your excuse cause if it was I wasn't buying it.† I shake my head at her and walk into my room get my stuff and go to leave as I am getting to the door Lauren runs after me. † You left nick it was over can't you let someone else have him I shouldn't be ashamed of what we had or still have.† † What do you mean still have?† † He told me he loved me.† She says looking pleased with herself, I look at her with tears in my eyes. † How could you Lauren I thought you were my best friend and your just a desperate †¦Ã¢â‚¬  I stop myself † Go on Sarah it's not like you to not finish saying what you like.† Lauren says sneering at me. † I wouldn't want to waste my breath.† I walk out leaving her standing there. When I am outside Laurens I am trying to get a taxi as I begin to give up and start walking a taxi slows down inside it is nick he opens the window and tells me to get in. † Where to then?† The taxi driver asks, I look at nick for an answer † Just drive us around for a while we need to have a talk without one of us running away.† The taxi driver grunts a bit before agreeing and we start to drive nick leans over and closes the hatch. † Nick what are you doing here?† I ask † I never trusted Lauren, I had to come and get you so she doesn't feed you a pack of lies.† I say nothing and just stay silent † Well come on then tell me what she said I know she has said something.† How can he tell that by just looking at me. I can't stand this I need more time to think so I reach over and open the hatch and tell the taxi driver to stop. † She said you loved her.† I say as I scramble out of the taxi with my bags I begin to walk off all I can hear is Nick shouting my name. â€Å"Sarah wait.† He shouts from somewhere behind me † Just leave me alone!† I shout back people are stating to stare but I don't care. Nick is right behind me when he catches up with me he stops me and spins me round so I am facing him I didn't realise he was so close to me he is right behind me. † I don't love Lauren I never have I like her but I would never love her.† † So why did you tell her that you did?† I look up at nick he is not going to reply so I carry on talking. † I can take the fact that you have been sleeping with her for the past two years but telling her you love her when you say you love me, I am sick of this Nick all the lies and dirty little secrets.† I look across the street at all the people walking in and out of the shops. † Did you tell Pierre you love him?† nick asks † Of course I did.† I reply, this is it right here me and nick standing in the middle of a busy London street this is when I realise the future. † It looks like we are both in love.† I say to nick, he begins to smile I raise my hand for a taxi † But it looks like we are in love with the wrong people.† I say as tears spill out of my eyes I reach up and kiss nick on the head † Goodbye nick.† I get in the taxi † Heathrow airport please.† I can hardly see nick through tears † Sarah don't do this I love you.† Nick shouts from the pavement I can't bear to look at nick † Just drive please,† I say my voice wobbling cause I am crying so much. This has to be the hardest thing to do; all I can see is nicks face when I got in the taxi the way he looked at me. I am sitting at gate waiting to be called wondering if I am doing the right thing. † Could people sitting in business class please come to the desk with your boarding cards and passports ready.† The airhostess was saying into the microphone this was it all over again leaving nick but this time it felt a hundred times worse. I have to do this I am strong enough to do this I know I am. So why am I still sitting here? I get up and walk over to the airhostess giving her my boarding pass and passport, she smiles brightly at me all I can manage is a brief smile I feel so rude but I am not in the mood to be polite. She hands my passport back and lets me through to go down to plane my stilettos are killing me and all I want to do is kick them off and run, run into nicks arms and forget all my troubles but I just can't not now not ever again. As I reach the aeroplane I am almost in tears again luckily no one has noticed, I get on to the plane and into my seat all I can think about is nick nothing else everything around me seems to remind me of nick like the guy sitting next to me got out his briefcase and I happened to notice his card that clearly explained that he was a lawyer like nick and the lady in front of me asking for a martin without the olive just like nick would ask, I keep telling myself I am being paranoid. After what feels like days I am home. I open all the windows in my flat to let out all the heat it is nearly midnight and still boiling, I try to get some sleep but just can't I keep thinking about nick and wondering what he is doing. I decide that I am not going to sleep at all and end up watching dirty dancing the best romantic film if only love could really be that simple even though her dad doesn't like them together he accepts it in the end and they dirty dance dance together. I wouldn't normally cry at the end but after everything that has happened I can't help but cry. I end up falling asleep in front of the TV all I can see in my dreams is nick screaming my name but none one can hear him I wake up to the my phone ringing no wait not the phone the door bell I look up at the clock it is 3.30 who on earth could it be. I stagger to the door still half asleep yawning I open the door and standing in a white checked shirt and jeans is nick. I can't speak I don't know what to say I look around for a conversation starter and end up catching sight of myself in a mirror I look terrible I am wearing and oversized t-shirt and bed socks my hair is all messed up. I look up at nick and he is just looking into my eyes. † I have been shouting your name for ages haven't you heard me?† he says in a gentle voice. † I was asleep, sorry.† Why am I apologising he shouldn't be here. † Nick why are you here?† I ask † Because I am not going to let it end like this.† Nick walks into my apartment and sits down on the sofa, I close the door behind him and end up sitting on my dinning room table cause my apartment is open plan you don't have to sit on one particular chair I can sit anywhere. † Do you want anything to drink?† I ask politely † No, I want you.† I have no idea how to reply to that so I just end up sitting their not being able to think of anything to say luckily I don't have to say anything. † I know you don't want it to end like this, and I am not going to let it end like this.† † How do you know what I want?† I ask getting angry â€Å"Because I love you and if you love someone you know every little thing about them.† † Like what?† I ask â€Å"Like the way they take their coffee, their shoe size, what their favourite movie is or when they are lying or unsure about something.† † So do you know all of that?† I challenge him † You don't like coffee or tea, your shoe size is 6 which you hate cause you think it is to big, your favourite movie is dirty dancing probably cause of Patrick Swayze and I do know when you are lying cause I knew the minuet after you left that you were lying.† I get out and walk on to the balcony I don't know what to say? By this time nick has followed me. † I love this view.† Nicks say looking out on to the sea and the moon. † You have seen it before.† † True but I didn't pay much attention to it last time all of my attention was you, it looks like you have done really well for yourself.† † Well running a billion euro cosmetic company does have its upsides.† I laugh nicks says nothing and just smiles

Entertainment Is Something Which Distracts Our Daily Life Routine Essay

What is entertainment? There are many definitions of entertainment but I look at it as something which diverts or may distract us from our daily life routine. It helps us relax for periods of time thus forget our worries and cares; our habits and thoughts are interrupted, it rests our minds and nerves, though it can also drain our energies thus exhaust our bodies (Herbert, 2012). There are multiple forms of entertainment that are in play nowadays that people find a good way to release themselves from the daily life routines. Entertainment has many forms that are endless but the main agenda is to divulge us from the daily patterns of life .In the resent generation people have been looking for better and easier ways to forge a living in a simpler manner, therefore making recreation or entertainment the most available solution to releasing them from never-ending stress and responsibilities in their daily lives (Herbert, 1946). Entertainment diverts our thoughts to moments of laxity and less care to our worries and anxieties. Our worries can either bring our heart and mind to a low or bring us to a high, in a sense that it brings an immeasurable amount of adrenaline or a low to mean laxity of mind and less activity of body. And this immense adrenaline definitely is brought about by sporting activities. Sporting activities make most of the body parts to actively participate therefore making us have the feeling of our existence within. Again in the present times technology has greatly evolved forcing humans to evolve with it. With this aspect involved, we are now encircled by smart phones, internet and all kinds of similar gadgets like television sets and iPods which have a considerable amount of our daily working life and entertainment of which we can’t imagine our entertainment or leisure time without. Everything that we are involved with at this age in time is all about entertainment as Tony Robbins puts it (Herbert, 2012) . Reading and writing has been a form of entertainment for many people. This is by books, magazines, blogs reading and writing in internet or paper. To the children reading of comics of heroes like Bat man, Super man and many others makes the happy and entertained. Also children as opposed to the adults who write; they find it entertaining to draw patterns and characters on paper. All this is educative and entertaining at the same time because it moves us from daily patterns of life while we are adding knowledge. Marshall McLuhan say that anyone who tries to make a distinction between education and entertainment doesn’t know a thing about either dance; music and films have found their way into people’s definition of entertainment and recreation (Herbert, 1946). A huge number of entertainment gadgets presently have to have music or visual images to be considered as items of entertainment. This is the other good way that recreation time can be well utilized. This is found in social joint like pubs, bars, disco etc. From my perception, our personalities can be defined by how we choose our entertainment activities e.g. If you are into parachuting you might be quite crazy, courageous and also an energetic person. But one who spends hours drawing, he or she might be a shy person, maybe calm and may also you be a patient person. Some entertainment forms may prove illogical e.g. ten people chasing after one ball but all in all each of us is unique in his or her own way thus we have what we like more us compared to other things. In conclusion entertainment does distract us from daily life routine because it soothes our feelings thus making us happy for we create our own worlds and forget about the rest of the world. Different entertainment activities create a longer period of happiness in turn causing continuous distraction.

Broke Back Mountain

The 78th Annual Oscar Awards on the 5th of March, 2006, was more of a gay gathering than usual with the assembling of a large number of homosexuals, as their favourite movie â€Å"Broke Back Mountain† had been nominated for the Oscar Awards . This movie depicts the enduring love affair between two cowboys and Ang Lee, the director of the film made a masterpiece of a movie that not only handles the seemingly impossible feat of mainstreaming a gay romance, but is also devoid of soppy sentimentality. This movie is a screen adaptation of a Pulitzer Prize-winning short story by Annie Proulx.This story is set in the 1960s and spans a two decade relationship between Ennis Del Mar played by Heath Ledger and Jack Twist played by Jake Gyllenhaal. An initial friendship culminates in a homosexual relationship. At first they keep denying their attraction for each other by making statements like â€Å"This is a one shot thing we got going on here,†(Ennis,) â€Å"you know I’m not queer. † â€Å"Me neither,† (Jack). However, they continue to indulge in this and one of them, Heath, returns to his fiancee, although the other, Jack, is reluctant to abandon the relationship.Ennis marries Alma played by Michelle Williams, has two daughters and embarks on a regular life and Jack eventually meets and marries a Texan cowgirl Lureen played by Anne Hathaway and has a son. After four years Ennis and Jack meet again and their reunion is and is accidentally witnessed by Ennis’s wife, who remains silent about the whole episode. This begins their frequent respite from their heterosexual lives and they get together two or three times a year by retreating into the majestic mountains to live with each other.This continues for 16 years and their relationship remains unchanged, despite Ennis’s divorce from Alma. In the Western genre homoeroticism has always been predominant and the role of women within the genre has either been as harpies, whores o r smokescreens who maintain the heterosexuality of its protagonists. The director could have without effort transformed the wives of these cowboys into disagreeable wives who would have taken their homosexual husbands to task for their unnatural ways, but the wives are depicted as fully rounded characters that would have shown heaven on earth to a heterosexual husband.This story concerns itself not only with the homosexual relationship between the men and the difficulties that this relation places them in but more importantly it focuses on the enormous strain and disappointment that their unfortunate wives have to put up with. The story is set in Wyoming, which has a culture of cowboys, and where cowboys and herders were considered to be the last bastion of real men left in a world which was becoming increasingly depleted of honour and morals.The emotional impact on discovering that their husbands were unfaithful to them and also that they were indulging in sodomy produces a devasta ting effect on them. Eroticism has always been accorded a larger than life image by Hollywood and the erotic thriller was a popular genre in the 1980s, with movies like Body Heat, The Big Easy, Sea of Love, Fatal Attraction, and 9 ? Weeks turning out to be great successes. In 1993 Basic Instinct was released in this genre, but it proved to be the last of successful movies in this variety.Such movies definitely manage to denigrate heterosexuality and by implication women. For example, Big Love, the new HBO drama about polygamy, promotes unfair views regarding women such as that it takes three women to satisfy one man, while one third of a man is enough for each woman. These women are shown to be nagging wives who want more sex than their husband can provide and the end result is a heterosexual nightmare of domestic and sexual obligations rather than the expected male fantasy. The aim of these shows is to promote and praise gay marriage.What's really galling is that women, like the wo men in Broke back Mountain are deemed to be fit for nothing better than breeding and are not considered to be human beings, who deserve respect and love. The heterosexual men in this movie are shown in an equally poor light, ranging from Randy Quaid’s, the employer of these homosexual cowboys, embodiment of repressed intolerance to Graham Beckel as Jack Twist's emasculating father-in-law. This movie makes an astonishing statement that the only honourable and masculine men are the gay ones.Ennis's wife Alma remarries a loving husband who better provides for her needs, true to form he is portrayed as meek and almost effeminate. The lot of women is terrible and the encouragement of customs that have been identified as depravity by the Good Book and also in the Holy Texts of other religions, speaks volumes for the moral depravity that has befallen us under the guise of freedom. Freedom is good, freedom is great, freedom is our birthright but not if half the population, namely the women are going to be denigrated and treated in a derogatory manner.

Khmer Rouge Essay Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 1250 words - 1

Khmer Rouge - Essay Example From BBC, it is clear that it was a communist party belonging to Kapuchea. Khmer Rouge, led by Pol Pot, had a reputation for brutality because they used to kill the villagers and the village chiefs. Khmer Rouge group ensured people were dispersed to the forest by burning both villages and major towns where there were huge populations. Moreover, by the time the chaos reached the peak, many Americans had held demonstrations protesting the involvement of United States in Cambodia. Things had gone so badly in Vietnam and their only interest in Southeast Asia was in getting out. Many people ran away from the cities and small towns to avoid Khmer Rouge. According to White (2010, pg. 16) Cambodia was turned into a camp that starved and terrorized people. On April 17 1975, Cambodia fell when Phnom Penh came face to face with the Khmer Rouge. Khmer Rouge was different, and they were dead behind the eyes. When Khmer Rouge took power, they started to re-invent Cambodia by emptying the cities forcing all the residents into the countryside and towards a dark future. Cadre spread the word that the Americans were going to bomb, and everyone had to leave including patients in the hospital. It was a lie and the leaders of Khmer Rouge cleared the capital and other cities so that they could start over. Around noon, everyone started leaving Cambodia, hundreds of thousands of people who were trenching along a few kilometers an hour, and it was truly a staggering sight, incredible. All citizens that lived in Cambodia and were from foreign countries were ferried to the borders by trucks. Khmer Rouge went ahead and created a new country after ensuri ng all foreigners were taken out of the country, and Cambodia was officially sealed. New country was created by killing civilians earnestly. The book by Marshall Cavendish Corporation, (2007, pg. 765) states that Khmer Rouge viewed the Vietnamese as a sacrifice for Cambodia revolution for its own interests. Combined with a burning